Back when I was six, I told the world that I wanted to write books. I had all these weird ideas I’d turn into stories with my pad papers at school and show them off to grown ups with that cheeky little “look what I made” grin. The grown ups with the money and the real jobs cheered me on, but their praise never led me to one lesson I had to learn to be a good writer: I needed to be a good reader. You see, I was ridiculously lazy when it came to reading material at school. Reading simply wasn’t my thing. I just wanted to make the stuff. I didn’t know what it took to be good at making the stuff. You can have all the brilliant ideas, you can daydream all you want, but if you can’t articulate yourself well on paper, it definitely won’t work. I thought it was enough to surround myself with fantastic video games and movies and pick up big words from the music of Slipknot, but it’s not the same. It’s through reading that a writer learns new words, different ways to structure sentences, and how to craft suspense and emotion that […]
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Months before Billboard Philippines folded, I was already working from home. That’s the brilliance of online-based companies. You can do your work from anywhere in the world, as long as you have Internet access. I’d find myself in different coffee shops around the area, working from UDD‘s holding room during their concerts, or in the comfort of my bedroom with my laptop on a folding table. Wherever I was, I had to be doing something whether it was work-related or book-related or art-related. But now that BBPH is no more, one spectrum of my daily life was stripped from my to-do lists. My writer-artist self had to step up. It’s difficult to just sit around, wondering when or if HR people will get back to you after you submit your resume to a job opening. It’s maddening to simply stare at the ceiling waiting for the next possible client to stumble upon your email for commission. And I think the craziest thing that’s been bugging me since my day job faded into oblivion is that I don’t know where my next paycheck will be coming from. It’s nerve-wracking. It’s my everyday life. And until I get another day job or […]
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A year ago, I walked into my therapist’s office for the first time. There was this darkness that loomed over me, stealing my focus, my confidence, and my heart. Even when people would praise my work, tell me I’m pretty, or say I’ll be going places, I never believed them. I’d known this darkness since I was a teenager, and there’d be moments when that darkness wouldn’t be there, but still, it always managed to creep back in, like some form of toxic love. And when I finally decided to confront it with the help of my therapist, getting rid of the Hexxus in me wasn’t an instant kill. It took a while, and I was frustrated that I wasn’t getting any better. The darkness was a constant companion, even when my therapist put me on antidepressants. My focus got better; I was able to drawing again. But deep down, I still didn’t feel complete. After months of psychotherapy, I was put on mood stabilizers, and I sought another doctor for a second opinion about my condition. He’d told me the same thing my therapist told me. He just added vitamins to my diet (because I don’t get enough sun […]
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I’m just not so sure about 2017. It was an okay year. Definitely no comparison to how much 2016 sucked, but it wasn’t that great either. I guess you can say it’s part of that prelude to the elixir I mentioned, back when 2016 was still saying bye. It’s still not our Resurrection. We’re still being tested one last time (maybe it’s a test of patience?) for whatever lies ahead. Just like last year, I’d like to take a look back at what made 2017 the year things sorta happened. From going on submission for my debut novel, working on commission pieces for some ～☆dream☆～ clients, to confronting my mental health issues for real, it’s safe to say that the past year was all about personal growth. Being on submission has taught me how to be patient and I’ve since made some new authorly friends on that road (thanks, Twitter). Taking on commission requests from not just new, but also dream clients made me realize the value of my illustrations. And most importantly, facing my mental demons was the biggest change for me. Here are events that made 2017 the good kind of okay that it is: My life as […]
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I opened my present from my friend Isabelle Adrid weeks before Christmas morning. Like a few hours after she gave it to me. Literally the second I got home last Thursday. It was a mug with a floral wreath surrounding the words believe in yourself. How fitting. “Believe in yourself” is something a lot of people have been telling me to do for years now. My family. My boyfriend. My friends. My writing group. My therapist. It sounds so simple, but it really isn’t. I’ve always had this problem with believing in myself and I think it goes all the way back to the first grade. I’d transferred to an all-girls school from co-ed, and I didn’t realize it then, but everything was so different from the world I grew up in. I suddenly had a school uniform, textbooks, homework–things I absolutely didn’t have to deal with in kindergarten. The realization actually struck me just a few months ago when my 3-year-old niece Isla started going to pre-school, and she had textbooks. And homework. I didn’t have any of that in my day (for one thing, she doesn’t go to the same school I did). I’d just hop into the school […]
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We met on Twitter. And we finally had the most excellent hangs over Filipino comfort food at Manam in BGC. That’s me, Rin Chupeco, Hazel Ureta, Isabelle Adrid, and Gail Villanueva. We’re all in different places in our careers as authors. Rin has published some creepy books (The Girl from the Well, The Suffering, The Bone Witch). Gail and I have our debut novels on submission to publishing houses (shout out to our awesome agents Alyssa and Caitie). Hazel is querying and has her manuscript out with agents. And Isabelle is doing a bit of R&R-ing to solidify her YA contemporary. Since Gail and Isabelle recently celebrated their birthdays, they treated and dragged their husbands Marc and Nathan along to help us eat the food. Because it was A LOT of food. And it was good food too. The Chicken Inasal Skewers and House Crispy Sisig are life-changing. Get a bowl of Sinigang na Beef Short Rib & Watermelon–be as greedy as you want, no one’s gonna judge. Then down that with a tall glass of Ube + Sago Shake and/or a tubby cup of Mais con Hielo con Queso. Ay, Dios mío. Your taste buds will thank you. […]
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There are times in life when you need to push yourself hard to move forward. No shortcuts. No whining. And you can’t just leave your responsibilities behind or walk away. Take a deep breath and don’t be too hard on yourself. Focus and finish what you started. You can’t be lazy. You can’t rage quit, because then, you’ll be forced to start from scratch, like your previous efforts don’t mean anything but a waste of time and energy. Be brave. Carry on with the quest. Rise from the battle and emerge victorious, because only then will you finally be able to quick save.
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